So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
