Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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