at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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