mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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