the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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