Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
