A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize