this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
