I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
