I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
