I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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