Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
