using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
