Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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