Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
