ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
