Got a toothbrush?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
