He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So many bounce houses so little time
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
