Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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