next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
