we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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