Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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