I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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