Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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