Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
