I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I will pee on everything he values.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
