so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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