can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
