I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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