i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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