We're facebook friends in real life
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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