remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
