she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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