I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
