I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
well you can't waste a boner
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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