there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
