i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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