you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
