just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
