it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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