Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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