I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
