This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
