And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
