At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
