Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
