The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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