see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
