there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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