A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
