Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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