you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
