I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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