She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
