I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
