Sponge bath it is.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
