They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There r osticjed everywhere
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
