How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
