If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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