i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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