remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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