Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
