Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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